Unit 5 of 9
Making Someone Feel Welcome
Every group has an edge, and someone is usually standing on it: the new student, the visitor in the back pew, the kid holding a lunch tray with nowhere to go. This unit trains students to notice that person, introduce themselves and others well, draw the newcomer in, explain how things work, and follow up the next day, so that welcome becomes a habit rather than an occasional good deed.
Read and print any unit without taking the check-in. Choose one level first to print only that level’s exercises.
Objectives
- Notice the person who is new, alone, or on the edge of a group in a classroom, lunchroom, church, or party.
- Introduce themselves to a newcomer and introduce two people to each other with a helpful detail for each.
- Invite someone in with clear, low-pressure words and make physical room for them.
- Explain a group's customs and places to a newcomer so they are not left guessing.
- Follow up with a newcomer in the days after first meeting them.
- Practice hospitality at home and church in simple ways, without fuss or show.
The teaching
Noticing the person on the edge
Welcome begins with the eyes. Most people who are left out are not rejected; they are simply unseen, because everyone else is busy with the people they already know. Make it a habit, whenever you walk into a room, to take one quick look around and ask: who here doesn't have anyone? Who is new? Who is standing just outside the circle, holding a drink or looking at a phone because there is nothing else to do?
Learn the common signs. The person who sits at the end of the lunch table with an empty seat between them and everyone else. The visitor family who arrives at church and stands in the foyer reading the bulletin very carefully. The new teammate who stretches alone. The student who walks the long way around the courtyard. None of these means the person is unhappy, but each is an opening, and you can be the one who takes it.
Notice the furniture as well as the faces. A tight circle of chairs says "we're full." A circle with one chair pulled out, or a group that shifts to leave a gap, says "there's room." Friends can agree ahead of time to stand in horseshoes rather than closed circles, so that anyone can step in.
- Scan the room when you arrive: who is new, alone, or at the edge?
- Look for the empty chair, the person at the end of the table, the circle with no gap.
- Open your circle: step back half a step so a newcomer can enter.
- Don't wait to be sure they want company; a kind offer is rarely unwelcome.
Introducing yourself and introducing others
Introducing yourself is simple: approach, smile, say your name, and give one piece of context. "Hi, I'm Caleb. I'm in Mr. Pruitt's history class too." Then ask their name and one easy question. (Unit 4 covers catching and keeping the name.)
Introducing two people to each other is a skill many adults never learn, and it is one of the most useful things you can do at any gathering. The traditional pattern is to say the name of the person you are honoring first, and present the other person to them: present the younger to the older, the guest to your parent, the student to the teacher. With peers it does not matter much. Then the most important part: give each person a detail about the other, so they have somewhere to start.
A good introduction is three sentences or fewer. "Mrs. Harmon, I'd like you to meet Jonah Park. Jonah just moved here from Seattle. Jonah, Mrs. Harmon runs the church library and loves mysteries." Then stay for a minute to help the conversation start before you drift away.
- Yourself: name + one fact of context + a question back.
- Others: honored person's name first (older, guest, teacher), then the person being presented.
- Give a detail for each person: "She plays soccer too"; "He just moved from Ohio."
- Stay a minute after introducing; don't introduce and vanish.
- "Hi, I'm Hannah. You're new this week, aren't you?"
- "Grandma, this is my friend Leah. Leah, this is my grandmother, Mrs. Ford."
- "Theo, have you met Sam? Sam's the one who built the trebuchet for physics."
- "Dr. Quinn, may I introduce my friend Amira? She's thinking about studying nursing."
Inviting someone in
An invitation works best when it is specific and easy to accept. "You can sit with us if you want" is kind; "Come sit with us; there's room right here" while you slide your tray over is better, because it shows you mean it. Use plain words, make the physical space first, and say it with the same voice you would use with a friend.
Then do the harder part: include them once they arrive. Tell them who everyone is. Explain the inside joke or skip it. Ask them a question the whole table can talk about. A newcomer who sits down and then listens for twenty minutes to stories they can't follow has been seated, not welcomed.
Watch out for welcome with fuss. Making a big announcement ("Everybody, this is the NEW GIRL!"), asking ten questions in a row, or acting as though you are doing them a great favor makes the newcomer feel like a project. The best welcome feels ordinary: of course you're sitting with us; of course you're coming along.
- Do: make room first, then invite.
- Do: introduce them to everyone at the table, by name.
- Do: steer the talk toward something they can join.
- Don't: announce them loudly, quiz them, or treat them as a favor.
- "Come sit with us. There's room right here."
- "We're heading to the gym after lunch; want to come?"
- "This is Ellie, she just joined. Ellie, we were arguing about whether a hot dog is a sandwich."
- "Do you want to be in our group for the project?"
Showing the ropes
Every school, church, and team has unwritten customs that insiders forget they ever had to learn: where the line forms, which door is locked after 3:00, what "Logic block" means, when to stand during the liturgy, that Mr. Dunn wants your name in the upper right corner. A newcomer is often anxious not because people are unkind but because they don't know the rules and are afraid of getting them wrong in front of everyone.
Offer a short tour or a quick briefing. Walk them to the next class. Tell them the three things you wish you'd known in your first week. At church, invite a visiting family to sit with you and quietly show them the page number or the response. Explain without condescending: "It confused me at first too."
- Where things are: classrooms, restrooms, lockers, the parish hall, the coffee.
- When things happen: schedule changes, chapel days, what happens at lunch.
- How things are done: customs, forms of address, what to bring, what to wear.
- Who to ask: the teacher, coach, or adult who can help.
- "Want me to walk you to chemistry? It's hard to find."
- "Here's what nobody told me my first week..."
- "We're on page forty-two. You stand for this part."
Following up the next day
The first day's welcome is a kindness; the second day's is a friendship beginning. Many people are kind to a newcomer once and then, the next morning, return to their usual group. The newcomer notices. Make a plan to follow up: greet them by name the next day, save them a seat, ask how their first week is going, or invite them to something small later in the week.
Follow-up also means passing the welcome on. Introduce the newcomer to people who share their interests, so that they are not dependent on you alone. Over a month, the goal is that they have several people to sit with, not just one rescuer.
- Day 2: greet by name and save a seat.
- End of week 1: ask how it's going and whether they have questions.
- Week 2-3: invite them to something (a game, youth group, a study session).
- Week 4: introduce them to at least two others with shared interests.
Hospitality at home and at church
Hospitality is not the same as entertaining. You do not need a clean house, fine food, or a plan for the evening to welcome someone; you need an open door and attention. Scripture commands hospitality "without grudging," and that means cheerfully, without making the guest feel they are a burden.
At home, students can greet guests at the door, take coats, offer a drink, introduce siblings, and sit and talk rather than disappearing to their rooms. At church, they can greet visitors before and after the service, help a visiting family find the nursery or Sunday school, and invite a newcomer to the meal or coffee hour. The guest you welcome may be a classmate, a widow, a missionary, a family new to town, or someone very different from you. Christ said that in welcoming the stranger, we welcome Him.
- "Welcome! Can I take your coat?"
- "Can I get you something to drink? We have lemonade or water."
- "Is this your first time here? I'm glad you came."
- "Would you like to sit with us at lunch after church?"
Levels and exercises
Children grow in these skills at different speeds. Start at the level where a student can succeed with a little stretch, whatever their age, and move up when it comes easily. More on levels.
Foundations (about 6-9)
- Notices when a child is playing alone and tells an adult or invites them.
- Says "Hi, I'm ___. Do you want to play?" to a new child.
- Greets guests at the door at home with a smile and a hello.
- Shows a new child where something is (the bathroom, the snack table, the cubbies).
- Moves over to make room on a bench or rug.
Make-room game
Children sit in a circle on the rug. An adult or child walks up as a "new friend." The group practices scooting apart to make a space, and one child pats the floor and says "Come sit with us!" Repeat with benches and a pretend lunch table. Praise how quickly and cheerfully the circle opens.
Afterward: How did it feel to be the new friend when everyone made room?
Play with the new kid
Before going to a park, co-op, or church, practice the words with a parent: "Hi, I'm Josie. Do you want to play tag with us?" At the event, the child looks for a child playing alone or someone new and asks them to join. The parent stays close enough to help if needed and afterward asks what the new child's name was.
Afterward: Did they want to play? What did you play together?
Tour guide
One friend pretends to be brand new to the classroom or house; the other is the tour guide and shows three important places ("Here's where we hang our coats. Here's the bathroom. Here's the library corner"). Then switch. An adult can hide a few pictures of places for the guide to point out.
Afterward: What would a new kid most want to know first?
Door greeter
The next time guests come to your home, the child practices being the door greeter: open the door with a parent, say "Welcome! Come in," offer to take a coat or show where shoes go, and lead guests to where the family is gathered. Practice it once with a parent playing the guest first.
Encouragement: Name what the child did ("You moved over so Isla could sit down; that made her feel wanted") so they learn that small actions are real welcome.
Developing (about 10-13)
- Scans a room or table for someone alone and invites them in with specific words.
- Introduces two people to each other with names and a detail.
- Explains basic customs or places to a newcomer without being bossy.
- Follows up with a newcomer the next day by name.
- Helps greet and serve guests at home or church.
The lunch-table invitation
Pick a day this week. At lunch or break, find someone eating alone or a newer student, and invite them: "Come sit with us; there's room here." Introduce them to everyone at the table and ask one question the whole table can answer ("What's the best thing you've eaten this week?"). The next day, say hello by name. Jesus said that loving only those who love us is no great thing (Matthew 5:46-47); this is a chance to go further.
Afterward: What did you do to make them feel included once they sat down? What would you do differently next time?
Introduction drills
With a friend and a third person (sibling, parent, another friend), practice introductions in different combinations: friend to grandparent, friend to teacher, two peers. Each time, say the honored person's name first and give a detail for each. Then the friend tries it. Aim for three sentences or fewer.
Afterward: Which detail got the best conversation going? Whose name should come first when introducing a friend to your pastor?
Three things I wish I'd known
Write a short "newcomer's guide" to your school, team, or church: the three things you wish someone had told you on your first day, three places that are hard to find, and two people who are especially helpful. Keep it in mind (or share it, with an adult's permission) the next time someone new arrives.
Visitor welcome at church
With a parent, watch for a visiting family or someone you don't recognize at church. After the service, go up together: "Hi, I'm Liam. Is this your first time here? I'm glad you came." Offer to show their children to Sunday school or the coffee hour, or introduce them to a pastor or elder by name.
Afterward: How did they respond? What made it easier with a parent alongside you?
Open the circle
In a group of four or five, stand in a tight closed circle talking. A newcomer walks up. First, the group stays closed; then do it again, and this time the group steps back into a horseshoe and one person says, "Hey, come join us; we were talking about the game." Switch roles so everyone plays the newcomer once.
Afterward: What was different for the newcomer the second time? What small physical changes help most?
Encouragement: Praise follow-through especially ("You said hi to Aiden again the next day; that's when he knew you meant it"), since day-two welcome is the hard part.
Mature (about 14-18)
- Habitually notices the edge of every group and acts without needing a reminder.
- Hosts well: greets, introduces with details, and draws quiet guests into conversation.
- Gives a newcomer a thorough orientation and connects them to others with shared interests.
- Follows up with a newcomer over several weeks, not just once.
- Welcomes people very different from themselves, including those who are hard to welcome.
A month of welcome
When a new student, teammate, or church member arrives, take responsibility for their first month. Week 1: introduce yourself, give a tour, and sit with them. Week 2: introduce them to at least two people with similar interests. Week 3: invite them to something outside class (a game, youth group, a study session). Week 4: check in honestly about how things are going. Keep brief notes on what you did. Remember Hebrews 13:2: you never know whom you are entertaining.
Afterward: By the end of the month, who else did they know? What did you learn about them? What did you learn about your own group from seeing it through a newcomer's eyes?
Host a small gathering
With a close friend as co-host, plan a simple evening (board games, a dessert, a movie) and invite at least two people who are not yet part of your usual group. Plan the welcome: who greets at the door, who handles introductions, what first activity lets everyone participate. During the evening, each host watches for anyone on the edge. Afterward, talk through what went well with your co-host.
Afterward: Did anyone end up on the edge? How did you draw them in? What would you change for next time?
Welcoming across differences
Choose someone notably different from you: much older or younger, from another country or culture, with a disability, or simply someone you have found difficult. Find a natural way to welcome them: sitting with an elderly visitor at church, helping an international student find their way, inviting a younger student to watch your practice. Ask questions that let them be the expert on their own life. Reflect in writing afterward: what did you assume beforehand that turned out wrong?
Afterward: What made this harder than welcoming someone like you? What made it worthwhile?
Read the room
At the next three group events you attend (a class, a party, a church supper), spend the first two minutes scanning: who is alone? Who is new? Where are the closed circles? Write a few lines afterward about what you noticed and what you did. After three events, look for patterns: what kinds of people do you tend to overlook?
Welcome without fuss
In a group, act out two versions of welcoming a new student to a seminar table. In the first, overdo it: loud announcement, rapid questions, constant attention. In the second, welcome simply: make room, introduce everyone, include them in the discussion naturally, and leave them space. Discuss which felt better from the newcomer's chair, and why Benedict's porter answers a knock simply and promptly.
Encouragement: Affirm the steadiness and initiative ("You kept including Priya for weeks without anyone asking you to") and the willingness to welcome people who are hard to welcome.
Friend and not-yet-friend practice
Every level has something to practice with a friend and something to practice with someone who is not yet a friend: a classmate you don’t know well, a newcomer, someone different from you, or someone you find difficult. “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?” (Matthew 5:46, KJV).
Foundations
- With a friend: Tour guide
- With someone not yet a friend: Play with the new kid
Developing
- With a friend: Introduction drills
- With someone not yet a friend: The lunch-table invitation
- With someone not yet a friend: Visitor welcome at church
Mature
- With a friend: Host a small gathering
- With someone not yet a friend: A month of welcome
- With someone not yet a friend: Welcoming across differences
Role-plays
The lunchroom tray
Setup: It's the second week of school. A new student stands holding a lunch tray, scanning the room. The student's usual table is full of friends deep in a story, but there is one seat if everyone scoots.
- Student A: notices the newcomer and invites them.
- Student B: the newcomer, unsure and a little hesitant.
- Students C and D: friends at the table, mid-conversation.
Goal: Student A makes room and invites specifically, introduces the newcomer to C and D by name, and the table shifts its conversation so the newcomer can join it.
Debrief
- What did C and D do to help or hinder the welcome?
- How did A include B once they sat down?
- What should happen the next day?
Introducing a friend to your father
Setup: A student brings a classmate home for the first time. The student's father is in the kitchen; a younger sibling is doing homework.
- Student A: makes the introductions and hosts.
- Student B: the visiting classmate.
- Student C: the father, Mr. Delgado.
- Student D: the younger sibling.
Goal: Student A introduces the classmate to the father first ("Dad, this is Jordan from my Latin class"), includes the younger sibling, offers a drink or snack, and gives everyone a detail to talk about.
Debrief
- Why introduce the classmate to the father rather than the other way around?
- What details helped the conversation begin?
- How did the sibling feel included?
The visitor in the back pew
Setup: After Sunday service, a young woman in her twenties who is visiting for the first time stands near the door looking at a bulletin. Most people are heading to the coffee hour in groups.
- Student A: a high schooler who notices her.
- Student B: the visitor, polite but reserved.
- Student C: an elder or pastor nearby.
Goal: Student A greets her, asks if it's her first time without prying, offers to show her to the coffee hour, and introduces her to the elder by name.
Debrief
- How did A avoid overwhelming her with questions?
- When is it right to hand a newcomer to someone else, and when should you stay?
- How does Benedict's teaching that guests are received as Christ change how we think about this moment?
The difficult newcomer
Setup: A new student has been a bit prickly: short answers, a few sarcastic comments. Most of the class has stopped trying. The student assigned to show them around before a group project must try again.
- Student A: chooses to try again graciously.
- Student B: the newcomer, guarded but secretly hoping someone persists.
Goal: Student A stays warm and specific without pushing too hard, explains how the project and class customs work, offers one concrete invitation, and doesn't take the prickliness personally.
Debrief
- What might be behind a newcomer's guardedness?
- How do Luke 6:32-35 and Matthew 5:46-47 apply here?
- How do you persist in welcome without becoming pushy?
Discussion questions
- In Odyssey Book I, Telemachus is vexed that a stranger is kept waiting at the gate, and he feeds his guest before asking what business brought them. Why does Homer present this as the mark of a good host? What is the opposite, shown by the suitors?
- Benedict tells his monks to receive every guest "like Christ" and to show special care to the poor and pilgrims. Why does he single out the poor? What would it mean to take this seriously at our school?
- Abraham runs to meet three strangers in the heat of the day (Genesis 18). What do the details of the story (running, bowing, hurrying Sarah, choosing a tender calf) teach about the spirit of hospitality?
- Hebrews 13:2 says some have entertained angels unawares. How might that verse change the way we see a newcomer who seems ordinary or even annoying?
- Jesus tells us to invite those who cannot repay us (Luke 14:12-14). Who are the people at school or church who "cannot repay" a welcome? Why is that kind of welcome harder?
- What is the difference between welcoming someone and making a fuss over them? Why might too much attention make a newcomer feel less welcome?
- Is it enough to be kind to a newcomer once? What does the follow-up add, and why do most people skip it?
- In Little Women, Jo notices that Laurie is lonely and invites him over instead of letting him watch from his window. What did it cost her, and what did it lead to?
Memory work
“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
“Use hospitality one to another without grudging.”
The Great Tradition
The Rule of St. Benedict, Ch. 53 (trans. Leonard J. Doyle)
Benedict's chapter on guests is one of the most influential pages on hospitality ever written. Guests are to be met promptly "with all charitable service," prayed with, given water for their hands, and treated with humility, and the poor and pilgrims are to receive the greatest care of all, because in them Christ is especially received.
“Let all guests who arrive be received like Christ”
The Rule of St. Benedict, Ch. 66, on the porter (trans. Leonard J. Doyle)
Benedict places a wise older monk at the gate, with a room nearby so that visitors always find someone to answer. As soon as anyone knocks, the porter answers with a blessing and attends to them promptly and warmly. It is a picture of welcome without fuss: ready, quick, and kind.
“let him answer “Thanks be to God” or “A blessing!””
Homer, Odyssey, Book I (trans. Samuel Butler)
When Athena arrives at Odysseus's house disguised as the stranger Mentes, the suitors ignore her, but young Telemachus goes straight to the gate, takes her spear, seats her away from the noise, and feeds her before asking her business. Greek xenia, the custom of guest-friendship, required exactly this order: welcome, food, and rest first; questions afterward.
“Welcome,” said he, “to our house, and when you have partaken of food you shall tell us what you have come for.”
Homer, Odyssey, Book XIV (trans. Samuel Butler)
The swineherd Eumaeus, a servant with little to share, welcomes a ragged beggar (Odysseus in disguise) with bread and wine, a seat of rushes covered with the very skin he sleeps on, and at night a bed by the fire and the heavy cloak he kept for the worst weather. His humble hospitality contrasts with the feasting suitors who mock beggars, and shows that welcome depends on character, not wealth.
“it would not be right for me to insult him, for all strangers and beggars are from Jove.”
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, Ch. 5, "Being Neighborly"
Jo March learns that the rich boy next door is sick and lonely, so she marches over with a dish of blancmange and her sister's kittens, cheers him up, and invites him into the March family's life. It is a homely, practical model of noticing someone on the edge and inviting them in.
“I just wish, though, instead of peeping, you’d come over and see us.”
Scripture
Genesis 18:1-8
Abraham sees three strangers in the heat of the day and runs to meet them, bows, offers water and rest, and hurries to prepare a meal. His eagerness is the opposite of grudging hospitality.
“he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground”
Matthew 25:35
Christ counts welcome given to a stranger as welcome given to Himself. This is the root of Benedict's rule that guests be received like Christ.
“I was a stranger, and ye took me in”
Luke 14:12-14
Jesus tells His host to invite those who cannot invite him back. A welcome extended to someone who can give us nothing in return is closest to the welcome God gives us (see Unit 3 on hosting a meal).
“But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind”
Romans 12:13
Paul lists hospitality among the ordinary marks of Christian life, alongside prayer and patience, not as a special talent for a few.
“Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.”
Hebrews 13:2 and 1 Peter 4:9
Hospitality is to be offered to strangers, and offered cheerfully. The two verses together make good memory work for this unit.
For parents and teachers
- Model it visibly: introduce your students or children to visitors with names and details, and invite newcomers to sit with your family at church or school events.
- Before a new student arrives, quietly ask one or two steady students to be their guides for the first weeks, and check in with those students about how it's going.
- Praise the follow-up, not only the first act: day-two and week-two welcomes are where the real difference is made.
- If a group of students has become closed, address it privately and practically ("Next week I'd like each of you to invite someone new to your table") rather than lecturing the class.
For Families
Most parents remember being new somewhere and the person who made it easier. Your children will learn more about welcome from that story than from any rule.
Questions children can ask their parents
- Can you tell me about a time someone welcomed you when you were new somewhere?
- Were you ever the new kid? What was the first day like?
- Who in our family was known for having people over? What did they do to make guests feel at home?
- Did your family ever take someone in, for a meal, a holiday, or longer?
- What place felt the most welcoming to you when you were growing up? Why?
- When you moved to a new place, who was the first person to be kind to you?
Questions parents can ask their children
Foundations (about 6-9)
- Was anyone sitting alone today? What could you do tomorrow?
- If a new kid came to your class, how could you help them on the first day?
- When guests come to our house, what job would you like to have?
- How does it feel when someone saves you a seat?
Developing (about 10-13)
- Who seems to be on the edge of things at school or at church?
- What is one small thing that would help a newcomer feel welcome at lunch?
- Have you ever been left out? What did you wish someone had done?
- Is it easier or harder to welcome someone when you're with your friends? Why?
- Who could we invite over this month?
Mature (about 14-18)
- When you walk into a room, how do you decide whom to talk with first?
- What does it cost you to bring someone new into your group, and is it worth it?
- Is there a group you belong to that's hard for newcomers to get into? What could change that?
- Who welcomed you into something that changed your life?
- How would you plan a gathering so that a newcomer would feel at home?
Things to do together
From this unit’s levels:
- Door greeter · Foundations · At home with family · 5 min
Host a newcomer family
Choose a family that is new to your church, school, or street and invite them for a simple meal. Plan it together and give every child a real role: a young child greets at the door and takes coats, a middle child learns the guests' names beforehand and introduces them around, a teenager plans one game or question to bring everyone into the conversation. Afterward, talk about what helped the guests relax.